Hi there Dog,
I’m so very sorry that it’s taken all this time to get back to you and your last letter. I feel so bad about it.
The fact is that me and Mum kinda forgot about your letter. She sends her apologies too and is very sorry for all this time that has gone by. She assured me that it will never happen again. (and I’m hoping that you’ll continue to write to me. )
So, to get on with this letter now. You wrote about your person and his girlfriend and her little dog, the “fluff. Sounds very much like the two of you have some serious issues.
I discussed your problem with my Aunt Annie and she suggested that you ‘sit on the blasted animal, accidentally’. I wasn’t so sure about that so my idea is that you sneak up on the fluff, when she’s sleeping, out in the yard, and when no one is looking, lift your leg and pee on it. That should teach the little so an so a lesson, what do you think about that?
Other than that these two ideas, as a cat, I’m stumped. Nothing else comes to mind. You may remember that I don’t get outside so I don’t have any cat friends or enemies. Other than that one time there was a cat outside my kitchen enclosure that I had ‘words’ with, I’ve never given it a second thought.
I do hope that these two ideas will give you something to think about and perhaps by using one of them, OR both of them, you can get to be the Alpha dog, again, with this little ‘fluff’. Do let me know what happens, please and I’ll be rooting for you in the hopes that you don’t get locked in the bedroom again.
Your friend,
Luna
Life With Luna 
hi kitty,
thank you for your response! i read it a while back, but i wanted to try some things out before i responded.
it turns out, sitting on the fluff worked quite well. when the girlfriend was over for the day, the fluff was digging up one of my tennis balls in the backyard, and i just sat down while her face was in the hole. my person and his girlfriend were not able to see what was going on. they just look out the window and see me sitting there like a GOOD BOY, and assume the furious yapping was the fluff running around somewhere like always. we stayed there for like half an hour, with the fluff’s head in a hole, yelling all sorts of nasty things at me. i considered peeing on the little jerk, but i merely threatened to. if i actually did, i think the girlfriend would be able to tell and get really mad.
then i let it up, went into the house, and ate all of her food as well as my own. while fluff was trying to tattle on me to the people, i went and buried its ALL TIME ABSOLUTE FAVORITE CHEW TOY in the garden. i may be a german shepherd, but i have ninja stealth mode too. i didn’t rustle a leaf. didn’t even leave any pawprints behind! then i told fluff where it was…with a bit of misdirection…and while she was digging around, i went inside with one of my tennis balls and begged my person to come play. as soon as he came outside, he and girlfriend caught the fluff in the petunia bed, and OH BOY did she ever get a scolding!
my crowning achievement came later, when we were in the living room. fluff had been locked in the guest bedroom for two whole hours for digging up the petunias, and i was napping in the living room, not woofing a word. as soon as fluff was let out, in quiet little woofs, i started calling her petunia, and asking after her chew toy. WELL, she got about as mad as a fluff can get, lost her head, and bit me right there, in front of everyone! it hurt like always, but it was worth it.
once she’d been locked in the guest bedroom again, i woofed through the door that i was the alpha of the house, and i was big enough to sit on her whenever i liked.
that was a week ago. she’s been over twice since, and she stays FAR FAR FAR away from me and my toys now.
by the way, the wedding is in june, because of some sort of human tradition. i think i’ll give the fluff her chew toy back for a housewarming present after that….mmmmmmmmmmmmaybe.
i really can’t take full credit for the strategy though. if you hadn’t mentioned doing something to her when the people weren’t looking, thanks for the help!
your friend,
dog
p.s. small dog kibble tastes pretty blah. maybe that’s why fluff has such a bad attitude.
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